Message to the Maze….

Emmanuel I read your book! I’m I crazy for wanting to live in 2018 forever? I’m I crazy for not wanting to make that leap into the next year, people keep giving their year reviews while I just punter on how much I don’t want it to end. This Life is such a lie, a hoax, the cycle repeatedly. Someone asked me, “Oi Chalo why so many people dying of late Bana?” till I realized that’s not the case, people been dying since time immemorial, it’s just that the more we grow older the more people we get to know, the more shoulders we brush with and so when the latter follows suit we tend to realize sumn, lately I feel as if I’m on a sequel of Final destination damn!

Folks keep telling me to be grateful, to give thanks but zii, this is like oppression its like any other government regime, “Its His will” there’s nothing we can do than to just accept and give thanks.. NIGGA WHAT?! that’s 🐂 💩 it reminds me of that Kanye West song “No man should have all that Power” someone should keep someone in check! There should be a balance!

My idea of the after life is different from y’all, there’s really no such thing as “when we meet again” that’s the consolation the dogma we’ve been subjected to just to comfort our fears, coz when we die all matter of earthly relations die also, blood ties, family ties. We become something else, we become pure energy stuck in the ether till judgment day! You’ll never see your wife, your dad, your mom, your kids, that little peng ting you used to screw behind your main, POOF!!

And so my question is, what glory is that? What purpose is all that for? LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THE REASON FOR EVERYTHING !? and what answers they always give me is reference to the book of Job, so I had to double check, and to be honest it makes even lesser sense to me… Why do that to anyone? Are we really just Pons in some big chess game in the sky? A loss is a loss no matter the reimbursements!

I’m at war with Him tbh, I fail to understand, Money is the only real thing that makes sense to me, it’s so funny now I understand why this suckers off themselves, you really have to attain a certain level of veneration and wokeness to actually pull a Hannah Baker, Ive come to respect this guy’s, this is no suicide note or them 13tapes naah,the only thing keeping me grounded is the Living. I now get you Pete Davidson it’s makes sense epiphany moment.

Mama I love you so much, I think about where you are every day, Mama it hurts that I never get to repay you for your efforts  your sacrifices its so unfair, WHY? like there’s so many people wasting themselves out here, using up oxygen and resources for sh*t fam why they gotta get all this chances, I’m searching for a Project ALMANAC Lord please don’t let this year end like this or else I’m gone, the other side seems just about better than this!!

I remember looking at my older sister and thinking damn she look just like her, sometimes the question is not when but why? Why all this? Why the light come with all this pain, haya mateso yote, where’s the point of it all? I’m seaking Justice for the just. Pictures  Memories all the time I’ve left I’d give it all up for you.

Whats this math You playing? Taking away from and adding, the equation is not balanced. I feel as if I should just stay here, not live not die just a never-ending purgatory, what’s the time frame to start living again? I always feel guilty when I find myself laughing or smiling at something or a joke it’s like I shouldn’t be….i know you’dve fight for me to the death, but your death ended my fight!You never took a day off in your life,ntakulipaje? What gift befits you Ma’ ?

To the love of my life  baby I love you and I’m glad you’re hear with me, if this is what He meant, some sick twisted switcheroo then so be it, the only thing I ask is that that’s the end of Him!!




the 15th

There are two types of people in this world…i say.So about my day,on a Monday it be yesterday sunday well was a typical one as they should considering what day it was ad say yeah it was different “hermitt sips coffee” deep down those i spent it with well they wouldnt be my mains but either way it wasnt 24hours anyless.And as i was saying my day today,woke up kedo 10PM yes i didnt make i to church pole bibiye nafaham ukatufunza eti kwenda ibada ni sharti , from the balcony i could hear hymns from “somewhere” cant say was your convectional church ehe,anyway so i take a piss,was THEE FACE heh and yes i did floss my teeth i is a medic afterall *humbly check my vitals again yes am a medic its important but ok to be real i check coz yeh jana waznt your typical sunday we all know that! I find breakfast ready tho dnt ask who ok fo security reasons lets say “mboch” 🙂 .

Milk,cookies and some ndazis keepin it oldskool mtaani kuzoea kwa mathe,Did i say it be on a monday? ok quick recap am doing my placement at a local sub-county hospital jeer i waznt messing when i said medic and yaaasss  they aint paying zit but still doing that 8-4.., guess what i flanked today not on purpose tho it waaas the 15th afterall.So i know i gotta be back atleast by afte eeh not in a hurry tho.Turn on the stereo you know just to hear how the aftermath was elsewhere(s) Xfm where i  land and yes its psycho Nadia on the booth…well she dished me what i needed to hear you know there gotta be those guys who din do some crazy isht for they significsnt others yes am talking to yee “kempisky” types this time roung was a place called “valentine hotel” yeah ikr like will it change to Easter hotel too?ama just close up shop sawasawa so i hop in the shower Zzzzztt out  backpack a kiss for the……eh “mboch” alaf we out… kwa stage jav pap voom mjini..!did i say atleast afternoon well apparently yes by 3pm ,hit the supa imara tuskeys well now you can tell where i alighted  from so at the Entry i spot this…this girl? lady? Female! ok you get the point she gives me the eye ,give it back then as all good things she heads to a different aisle weeell fate or destiny hear she comes am at the cashier getting serviced wait she comes right next to me ok am tempted to give her way but eeeh we both know what she prolly waz doing janaa so neeeh.

Get serviced and beat it but yes turn back coolishly and take one last glance at IT!Am now heading to Imenti gotta chill out at Shaffa’s that sun giving tans out here.Set in my backpack do rounds you know gotta rep errbody who knows this face,the dude be buzy with this naggy customer so i take over the counter put some “classic music” yes lets not define which classic is, not to reveal tomorrows whole article…serve four…three customers crack some jokes well kila mtu had HIS  own storo about jana and yes i said “His” no “she’s” so you can imagine what the jokes be like…yeeeaah!

Its 4pm i chuck hit the stage and boom am where i can even pick  my Nana’s call with no funny background sounds.At the cafeteria spot Jacob.Well quick profile Jacob ok let me make it shorter Jacob Garang ,that cuts short the whole background .Hez my bro, my classmate, colleague and of late my Jigga donno when this name sprouted we’ve been buddies since day one am taling campus tho.Well hez seeping tea with Dj Gathuboy the name speaks for itself , hez a cool guy tho saved my skin a couple of times.Order my tea would prefer coffee but eeh its 4.40pm already.Catch a seat and catch up how the weekend been 20min through spot my roomie from the looks he one of the many who well kinda had the same weekend i did, i halla add more tea more catching up then BOOM! outta nowhere here comes Bart, by BOOM! here comes Bart i mean bart was a 2014 alumni, you know them seniors who you meet in your freshman year and they showed you all the hoops jer like in high school you know them first former’s who got along so well with the seniors anyway so he comes to where we seated you you been, what you doing nowadays ,what you come to do isht like that ok apparently he’d come for his caution money yeah 2014.We chat for like an hour then my Ali (the roomie) well he got some stash so we hit the shack,put some music but naaah daent work for us so we decide to hit the rooftop its 5pm by now,we get there light that Mary and take in that sunset,aint no better way to get above sea level that being on top of a roof…

So we start being philosophical you know how it gets ukiwa wingu la tisa,so there’s this guy who apparently got the opportunity with the president to ask whatever it is that he wanted and let me remind you who this be UHURU KENYATTA asked someone to say whatever he wanted and it will be granted,well the moron said 100Gs which well lets say he moved out from “minnesota” apartments.We all have what we’d all say if such would ever happen bu lets just be real hehe lets just be honest at the end whatwver it is that we would choose to someone elses eyes it would still look stupid ,i don’t blame th guy maybe he had a bank loan that he needed to pay and thats the amount he owed , maybe his laady wanted that hotel sweep at villarosa and he was just 100K short we dont know ,well for me ad ask for a job but hey we all cant be ME!So this goes on and on some saying they’d ask for the first daughter’s hand in marriage shoot1i know the guy said anything but he aint stupid probably even that 100k was deducted with some crap like tax revenue isht :(then bart goes like dude that bush hit me right then its a whole other topic how we’ve all had the best strains,the contacts we have theeen all that spiraled to CHIQS! but thats just the THC talking,Bart had to go back all the way to LA so we go back grab sweaters and hit the by-pass gets a jav and leaves.The way back is pretty much  weeell…not the same but thats a laugh for anaa day,and so i conclude THERE ARE TO TYPES OF PEOPLE IN THE WORLD (excuse me being graphical) PEOPLE WHO TAKE A DUMP THEN PEE,OR THE TYPE THAT TAKES A PISS FIRST THEN NUMBER TWO1QUESTION IS WHICH ONE ARE YOU?































rookie madness…2.0

i am a stoner,safe to say that but nowadays its not a stigma that makes people actually not say it out-loud…Africa in general have this weird theory that everything people do or come up with ,has actually been “did done”by uncle sam’s natives…boo-hoo thats horse shit!!TIA(this is Africa) we smoke the ‘erb hell that shit grows naturally here ma nigga!Anyhu that’s just but a THOT!no pun intended well heres the whole point to this Madness,last night during my sesh i kinda realised some quite peculiar traits among my herd.This has led me to this weird but close to accurate about them….Next time you’re in rotation with your friends or maybe even just randomly smoking with fellow stoners, take a look around. Decide for yourself who is who. It can be quit interesting…

1. The Paranoid Stoner(mtemi)


Oh my, this stoner! Haha. He/she can’t stop thinking somethings going wrong sumn called “classic paranoia”. “Everyones looking at me, why? Why, Am I laughing too much? What should I say? Should I just say nothing? Ah, I’m too high!” Just calm the f*ck  down and chill out. Everything is going to be all right. Ride it out…bruh

2. The Klutz(kim)

stoner-weed-girls-blazed (249)

This stoner is somehow always managing to break the piece SHIDWE!.He reaches for his Gatorade and knocks over your most treasured bong…spills ash yet the ash tray right in his hands…Best bet is to keep your beloved pieces outta harms way from his MOFO, maybe bubble wrap the bong when it’s his turn to rip.

3. The Mcguyver(THE CHUCKSTER yes I,)


Awesome stoner! This stoner is always coming up with new ways to smoke the reefer. He makes his own bongs, pipes and any other smoking creation he can master up. Be prepared to get hella stoned in new ways…..IN SHORT AM THE SHIT BRUH!!

4. The Chemist(kamande)

happy-420-stoned-marijuana (12)

The Stoner Chemist loves to smoke dabs. He’s got his gear with him and he’s ready to torch this shit. Items he brings along: his torch, his dab tool, his nail, and not to forget his bong. He’s a true mad scientist! Take a dab and get blown away. This THC is gonna knock your socks off. “A Dab Will Do Ya!”

5. The Contact High Guy(paul)


This guy really isn’t a “true” stoner… ukweli paul we ni mediocre! Although they call them self’s a stoner, they never actually takes a hit. They just sits in the room with everyone and get “high” from a smoke filled room. Make em’ actually take a rip next time and show them the beauty of sweet Mary Jane.

6. The Coach(steve)


The Coach is the type of stoner who is always explaining the best way how to take a hit, how long to hold it, and what kind of strand gets you the highest. He goes on and on about sativas vs. indicas and don’t forget your hybrids. Just humor this guy and shake your head. Most likely he probably does have a few good pointers up his sleeve.

7. The Closest Smoker Dad

Give it up for this Stoner! He deserves a gold metal. He’s the ultimate OG Stoner, he created the art of smoking pot. He’s a hippy at heart and will always have a love for marijuana. Now that he’s older and wiser he just hides the fact of being a pothead. Always listen to what he has to say and remember to respect your elders!

8. The Sneak A Toker(faith)


Oh man, oh man! This stoner is poping up in rotation again and again. He’s stealing the next persons hit but no one seems to notice. He is a true master in disguise – The Sneak A Toker Smoker. Keep your red eyes open for this sneaky son of a gun…..or in this case daughter…hehe no offence faith!

9. The Quitter(vero manze ahaaaa)


This stoner is the stoner who is always trying to quit smoking the ganja. He’s gotta get clean for that new job he wants, his girlfriend is always threating to break up unless he quits, he’s trying to become “healthier” and the list goes on. The problem with this guy is he never seems to understand he’s just giving excuses. Dude your a stoner! Just be cool with it and get over the bullshit.

10. The Story Teller(marto)

Man Smoking Joint

You’re in for trouble! Ha ha. This stoner never passes the blunt. they continuously talk aimlessly about “this one time” and “you gotta try this new..” He talks and talks and talks some more while chiefing on that blunt he’s suppose to pass. You’re gonna just have to grab the blunt out of his hand and be like dude… really? Puff, puff, pass…..thats the rules yoh…..CHEERS CHUCK OUT

Homer Simpson fixes the internet with best Kim Kardashian bum spoof yet

in ten years down the line a small girl will see her mums bum online,what says about this?



The US ‘celebrity’ decided to reveal to the
world – not for the first time – her sizeable
derrière (and the rest) in a glistening
magazine cover shoot that will no doubt be
hanging up on the Kardashian West
mantelpiece for years to come.
She threatened and pretty much succeeded in
her aim to “#breaktheinternet” with the
pictures, with millions of memes, photoshops
and spoofs doing the rounds. Surely it’s only
a matter of days before we have to wash our
eyes with bleach when Rylan from X Factor
imitates the shoot for Heat magazine.
However, among the many funny (and not so
funny) responses to the pictures, one image
stands out as the true winner – this Homer
Simpson/Kardashian bum mash-up that has
started circulating on Twitter.


Weirdly hypnotic, it’s an image that will haunt
you all day. It probably deserves its own spot
in an art gallery…

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This is how Esther Passaris dressed on KTN to show solidarity with the woman who was undressed in public

what says about the other lady though?


Politician and entrepreneur Esther Passaris appeared on KTN as one of the panelists discusing the topic of women’s dressing at 9:30 pm with John Alan Namu as the host and the debate about the embasava touts who undressed a lady for what they perceived as indecent dressing and to show that she was free to dress as she liked for the campaign #MydressMychoice this is what she wore.


Well i admit the woman is one hot mama ohhhhh my.

I had to zoom in the pic well she is damm super pretty.

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